How to Navigate Intimacy as a Transman

Sexual intimacy is a natural part of human craving and for Trans men, healthy and conscious interaction between the body and mind can be freeing from cis-normative choices.

As a Trans man anywhere in your transition journey, embracing the physical changes in your body and how you can use it to heighten your intimacy with your partner is possible. Have that conversation, ask questions, beware of your bodily fears and Trans status and how it affects how you show up in the field of intimacy that we all crave.

Anticipation of Physical Changes

It is not uncommon to notice physical changes in your body in your transition period which can affect your intimacy. If you are under hormone replacement therapy, expect some changes in your physical body. However, as a Transguy you or your partner can be anywhere in your journey so do not assume that they are under surgery or will get one.

Clitoral enlargement: if you’ve undergone HRT, you are likely to notice clitoral enlargement in the 1–3-month period. This might translate to heightened sexual arousal.

Facial and Body Hair: If you are on HRT consider facial changes such as restructuring of facial structure. As your body fat is redistributed, fat will reduce from your face just as facial hair increases in your face and body making you more masculine.

Increase in Body mass: You may notice changes such as increase in muscle mass and strength as a Trans man. Chest tissue atrophy may give you some masculine confidence in the bedroom

Navigating Intimacy Expectations

These is how you can navigate your intimacy expectation;

● Anticipate questions about your body from your partner

As a Trans guy, your partner may not know what is under the hood, unless they ask that question. Not all Trans individuals have the same bodies and feelings concerning their bodies as other Trans guys may be happy with their bodies and yearn not to alter their bodies. Whether you are getting intimate with a cis-individual or queer individual, recognize that your partner is likely to ask you questions about your Trans sexuality. Questions such as your surgery or whether you have a dick may suffice

● Educate yourself on Trans Intimacy

The lack of queer sex education can leave you feeling vulnerable and disempowered about your own sexual quest as a Trans man. You may want to be aware of the degrading language and fetishist angles in Trans pornography. However, it does not hurt to read or hear about others’ experiences about intimacy so you are able to affirm your needs in the bedroom. Asking questions gives room for your gender to be respected and acknowledged and reduces any assumptions that may make intimacy awkward and uncomfortable.

● Seek consent

You should be able to have safe and empowered sex of any kind that you want as a Transman. Learn to negotiate the sex that you crave and allow yourself to experience pleasure with your new body. You may need time to build up the confidence to negotiate your sex perks and thus, a good scent where activities are consensual and respectful of limits and preferences should be upfront. You should never engage in anything that you are not comfortable

● Communication

Communicating with your partner before and during sexual activity can be awkward, but can still also be the gateway to a happy and comfortable intimacy as a Transman. When you have detailed communication that is not cis-normative concerning your intimacy needs, the protections to use and the barriers to your sexual intimacy, you create a healthy intimacy ground for you to enjoy sex with your partner.

Challenges and Realizations

● Body image issues

As a Transguy you could be anywhere in your transition and thus your body may not be where you feel comfortable. You may not feel bulk enough, having the right organs such as penis to engage in sex, or have the stamina to perform overall. However, realize that bodies are different. Do not assume anything about you and your partner’s body. Realize that not all Trans people have the same bodies or feelings concerning the body. You may be happy about your body and not change your body. In this case, embrace intimacy knowing that your gender will be respected and acknowledged. Hence, talk it out.

● Disclosing your Trans Status

Intimacy can be empowering as a Trans guy. Always think about when it feels safe to disclose your Trans identity to a potential partner. Some Trans men do this on their dating profiles, before they meet or after the first meet up.

● Performance anxiety

The intimidation you may feel by cis queer men whom you feel you may not man up to, or feeling unworthy of cis women because you do not have the right parts can create performance anxiety. In any case, trying to merge yourself into the traditional sex compartment of sex and gender can be painful and dysphoric. Realize that you possess cis-heteronormative standards of intimacy imposed on you and you are free to disassemble any time as a Trans man. Embrace the possibility of mutual respect of each other’s genders, expression and bodies to ease your performance anxiety as a Trans man.

● Mixed sexual feelings

Depending on how you choose to see it as a Trans man, heightened sexual feelings through hormone testosterone might leave you with changes in your sex drive. Most Transmen report an increased sex drive and this can lead you to being adventurous in sex in ways you have never before. While this can be different for everyone, the growth of the clitoris accompanied by hormones can be a time for uncertainty, emotional and physical stress which other times can lead to libido loss for others.

● Misgendering

If you are a Transman and have not transitioned, it is possible to be misgendered which can affect your intimacy. When you are pre-T as a Transman, potential partners may still refer to you as a woman which can be frustrating. It can feel as though rejection simply because you are Trans or because they are not interested. Realize that a lot of people have different expectations when it comes to early stages of transition as you navigate intimacy.

Transitioning Physical Pleasure

Transitioning physical pleasure to include many angles of intimacy can be conduit for a healthy relationship for you as a Transguy. Engage in physical pleasure such as kissing, hugging, oral and anal sex, including and not limited to getting head to get the most out of your sexual intimacy.

Getting head

Getting head can be one of the most sensual ways to receive intimacy as a Transman. You may not feel like you have the actual dick as your clitoris or T-dick will be short, but focus on how sensitive it is to pressure and touch. Whether you have a T-dick or not, you may have a strong sexual urge and getting head may give you multi-orgasmic experiences which can help alleviate your dysphoria. Some partners attest to love giving head to Transguy without the feeling of choking just as many others assert that it helps enhance their partner’s bottom growth.

Embracing Mind-Body Connection

Your Transness is non-negotiable and your body is the home of your soul and not the other way round. Hence, as a Transman, it is important to acknowledge your fears and anxiety concerning intimacy as a Transman. Your bodily changes can affect how you view yourself and participate in intimacy. However, the positive emotions such as joy, relaxation and excitement, pleasure and satisfaction that stem from intimacy can be beneficial to your mental as a Trans man. Hence, pay attention to your needs on what feels good and what feels off to give your body and mind the space to connect for successful intimacy. It is important to listen to your body. To have a successful intimate experience as a Transman, consider integrating both your body and mind not only in the bedroom, but also in your everyday life.

Conclusion

Transmen, like everyone else, deserve to have healthy and enjoyable intimacy. You may have qualms about your body and performance in the bedroom which is quite normal. Knowing that you are not alone in these intimacy concerns can be the stepping stone to helping you connect your body and mind and have an honest and transparent conversation with your partner that reduces your chances of misgendering or disrespecting your body. The quote “If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter”